Free as a Bird

Wow. It has been forever and a day since I wrote an actual blog! Which is funny because all I have right now is time to either a) Do something crazy and blog worthy or b) Blog. Clearly I am lame.

Notable Things

• I am going to Alberta to live in a potentially awkward situation for a week and could not be more excited. I see this trip going one of two ways. Either I will have a super laid back time just reading in the sun (shade as I don't want to burn to death) and drinking with my friends. OR I will end up getting into all kids of trouble. I'm good either way.
• I am going to go visit my friend Alvina for a week in June. Which will be the driest and most straight laced trip of my life so far but oh well. I can live for a week without swearing or drinking or being perverted or taking the lords name in vein or making inappropriate jokes or punching someone ... right? RIGHT?!
• I started a blog the other day that I never ended up using and all the things seem a bit old now but the bones of it were: going out with Aidan (before he left) and drinking a zillion pints and waking up the next day with a cigar in my pocket, going to Taboo and watching Jenn get whipped by a guy from "the dungeon" and realizing how vanilla I am, being glad Matt was home and really enjoying the gift he got me, having a good time at the going away party on account of a kiss (on the cheek) that ROCKED MY FACE (while I looked pretty hot no less) and of course bike rides and rummy games.
• I've been reading an AWESOME book called 1916 about the Easter Uprising. I really love reading a book where I can picture things because I have really been there. Also I could not be more in love with Joseph Plunkett!! It's sick.
• I discovered that I can NOT ride my bike one handed while holding a tray (with no lid) of nachos and cheese. Well, I can for a while but not if the terrain is at bit bumpy. I wonder what those people thought this morning when they came outside and there was cheese and chips all over their lawn.
• I Stumble almost non-stop. It's a little sick. As is my love of the Texts From Last Night site.
• I am cured.

I am to lazy to write right now....

Batman and I have something in common I see.

Sun King 4

I Should Have Known Better

I should have known... that honey would not give up it's hold in just one day.
I should have known... that pop rocks and soda are really just a bandaid for a sad heart.

I should have known... that headbands don't bend that way.
I should have known... that using Weakerthans lyrics as your status can make it seem like you are after something you actually aren't.
I should have known... that I would be jealous again.
I should have known... that it would cost me to call that often.
I should have know... that it would cost me in more then one way.

I should have known... that vanilla vodka and lemonade would not taste awesome together.

I should have known... getting it off my mind would be hard as fuck.
I should have known... that I am a silly girl and I had my hopes WAY to high (in several separate situations).

I should have known... that playing ball in a new shirt was really an invitation to get it muddy.

I should have known... that a walk around the lake in flip flops is a bad idea.

I should have known... that a lingering touch can fuck things up pretty bad.

I should have known... he wasn't sincere.

I should have known better.

A Day In The Life

I am all alone today. It is quiet and I am slightly freaking out... but in a good way. Today I am going to :

• Bake some cookies or a cake because I bribed the kids into cleaning up the kitchen with said cookies or cake.
• Paint something. I saw some watercolors yesterday that really made me want to do some paintings.
• Play some Wii. I want to get my Wii age really low and my baseball skills really high.
• Try to find something to read. I am reading The Zombie Survival Guide but I don't feel really book satisfied... I want to find something that will make me feel better.
• Listen to music really loud because I am alone and I want to fill the silence.
• Update my podcasts so I can listen to 40 Year Old Boy which I think I love as much as I do Jordan, Jesse Go! (which is saying A LOT!) (I feel like Jesse Thorn is a bit like Beetlejuice ... or Bloody Mary.... but in the best possible way).
• Go to an awesome Weakerthans concert which is sure to rock my face off!

So far I have :

• Woken up at 10:30 am
• Ate some rice and made some lemonade
• Read some blogs and Internet comics
• Talked on the phone about baked beans and passports
• Stretched out on my couch and done fuck all

Sounds like an okay day don't you think?

~

This is the story of the boys who loved you

Who love you now and loved you then

And some were sweet and some were cold and snuffed you

And some just layed around in bed

And some, they crumbled you straight to your knees

Did it cruel, did it tenderly

Some, they crawled their way into your heart

To rend your ventricles apart

From Us To You

An Excerpt from a Conversation With Luke

Aimee- I'm going to fall in love with a ringmaster's son and run away with him. You can have my stuff. And my room.
Luke -No
Aimee - Are you forbidding me to run away with the ringmasters son?
Luke - Sea*
Aimee - This just makes me want him more!

I love it!

*We randomly speak Gaelic to each other.
Sea = Yes

Glad All Over

A Quick List of Things

1. I have a new bike! His name is Noah and he is Beautiful with a capitol 'B'! I don't think I have ever loved a bike more then this. Now I just need the weather to get better...


2. The circus is going to be set up across the street from me and I could not be more excited. I have it in my mind that having circus folk running around will be awesome (I will fall in love with a ring master's son and we will run away together.... right?).


3. My new hair cut is the best decision I have made in a long time. I actually feel cute sometimes.


4. I'm pretty excited to hang out in Moose Lake this summer. It will rock a lot of face to get out of Regina for a while and to hang out with Shannon.


5. I'm becoming more known in places where I would like to be well known... this is good news!


6. I am enjoying not working. I worry all he time that I made a bad choice but when I take a break from worrying I just feel happy, so that's a plus.


7. Things might actually work this time.... *knock on wood*

I feel pretty good today.

My love for her is unnatural!

What You're Doing

I decided today to go back to the day I joined Facebook and collect all my statuses. Here goes...



Aimee is sick but alive

Aimee is home from impromptu Camping

Aimee is trying to get through the week without killing someone

Aimee is wishing she had a Bodhrán

Aimee is waking up from her 15 hour sleep

Aimee is having a long weekend!

Aimee is swooning

Aimee is taking care of a 6 toed kitten

Aimee is bleeding plaid in anticipation!

Aimee is bleeding plaid in retrospect!

Aimee is feeling low

Aimee is sick of being called sunshine.... as well as being sick in general

Aimee is happy

Aimee is thinking about March

Aimee is a master of the stamp making craft

Aimee is trying to clean... but would rather be doing something else.... so call her!

Aimee is in love with Tom Lefroy

Aimee is the proud owner of a new sofa

Aimee is not even close to being ready for tomorrow and is lame....

Aimee is an Auntie!

Aimee is in a state of hysterical rapture and ecstasy...aka she's a swoonin'

Aimee is an Aunty AGAIN AGAIN!!

Aimee is done with it all

Aimee is a reluctant warrior

Aimee is noticing the spaces in between the stars

Aimee is a human cash register

Aimee is thankful for....

Aimee is weak

Aimee is questioning things

Aimee is running around yelling HAPPY HALLOWEEN and throwing candy corn

Aimee is in need of a blue party

Aimee is not to blame for her actions

Aimee is cold

Aimee is ... *swoon*

Aimee is unsure

Aimee is FULL of Shirley Temples. 2 buckets is too many apparently

Aimee is a reluctant java Nazi

Aimee is has wants loves should ... Aimee Tetreault is a verb stacker

Aimee is poking people... poke back if you fucking LOVE the Riders!!!

Aimee is hating her computer

Aimee is still here..... anyone?.... no?

Aimee is an awkward girl at best... she does like you though

Aimee is lost

Aimee can say what she wants without trying to weave an "is" into it!

Aimee is counting down. ~4~

Aimee is counting down. ~3~

Aimee is counting down. ~2~

Aimee is counting down ~1~

Aimee wonders "Am I dying or is this my birthday?"

Aimee had a wonderful birthday! Thank you all so much!

Aimee is running for mayor.... please vote for her and get that non-cleaning up his own tea pot ass out

Aimee can say her phone number in roman numerals and she wishes everyone a Happy New Year! Also she likes ratios and haikus

Aimee had a hard day

Aimee is a rusty kilt pin

Aimee is MIA

Aimee has nothing going on this weekend.... any takers?

Aimee is STILL crying!

Aimee LOVES the song All I Want Is You

Aimee has a fish named Maurice

Aimee says RIP Maurice

Aimee says " Happy Pancake Day everyone!!!!"

Aimee wants you

Aimee thanks the Heavenly teacher

Aimee is ready now

Aimee is going to Europe

Aimee is wishing it was her .... just a bit

Aimee had a really good day. Thank You

Aimee is here for ART, sir!

Aimee is IRISH!!!

Aimee is back for ART, sir!

Aimee thinks the bank can go fuck it's self

Aimee is trying to focus

Aimee is in LONDON!

Aimee is known in the hostel as Canada... or the Canadian

Aimee also known as Go Tinky Twinky Canada the Canadian

Aimee is ready for some crack

Aimee LOVES TEMPLE BAR

Aimee wishes she too was a wizard

Aimee is STILL drinking that Druid she bought for a euro fifty.... they are bottomless!

Aimee is off the map

Aimee aka Mrs. Finn Fiercestormeyes

Aimee can't afford to even be here...

Aimee IS HOME!!!!

Aimee feels spiral-y

Aimee believes that happiness isn't happiness without a violin-playing goat

Aimee is needy for a weedy, shy guy

Aimee is thankful her trip to the doctor ended as well as it did... despite the pills

Aimee should be sleeping... but naming fake babies is so much more fun

Aimee is a bullet dodger

Aimee is hand-built by robots

Aimee is a red crayon

Aimee is going to go bike riding soonish she thinks

Aimee wishes she was a ghost bee

Aimee wonders if she's making all the right moves

Aimee thinks she might have fucked things up again

Aimee realizes the enormity of what she does not know and never will

Aimee is an appletini

Aimee has a cell phone again! It's the same number so call me people!

Aimee is sorry

Aimee is not sure what she doesn't know

Aimee is trying to keep it together

Aimee kisses are bound to get her in trouble... said the Internet to her

Aimee hates her bed room and NEEDS to sleep!!

Aimee is a silly hat

Aimee was told that the 3 jobs she should consider are: Dancer, Boxer, Surgeon. What do you think?

Aimee could feel better

Aimee fears being stabbed

Aimee fears a lot of things now. But being stabbed is still pretty high on the list

Aimee is hopeless

Aimee is going to be free again

Aimee is not going to be as free as she had hoped, it seems... fuck

Aimee loves you like fireworks

Aimee had a CrAZy night!!

Aimee is Lightning

Aimee is a green apple jelly bean

Aimee Just wants to know Why you are eyeing her lemon drink?

Aimee will be 19 until the day she turns 20

Aimee is wishing for things

Aimee is a shot thief

Aimee is going to play in the rain

Aimee is totally freaking out today....

Aimee is a blueberry flavoured Popsicle

Aimee is in love with a traveling boy

Aimee is trying

Aimee is sick

Aimee is glad you exist

Aimee is an ass

Aimee was abandoned

Aimee has a traveler soul

Aimee is made of string and cardboard

Aimee is all alone this weekend

Aimee wants to punch you

Aimee is SO sick!!

Aimee can't believe it's been a year!

Aimee is ready for something new

Aimee is defeated

Aimee is not a good person

Aimee still cries when she reads The Outsiders

Aimee has 16 red helium balloons

Aimee wants to know someone who is in love with Italian food

Aimee is looking for a guy who is worth the under wire

Aimee thinks season 3 might kill her!!! I heart Barney so hard!!

Aimee 's head hurts like a bitch

Aimee loves the Halloween Tree so hard!

Aimee is a canolli!

Aimee has wii arm

Aimee says FUCK YOU WORLD!!

Aimee likes songs about coloured dresses. HAPPY HALLOWWEENNN PEOPLES!!!!!!

Aimee is SO lucky! Thank God for good news!

Aimee worries for his life

Aimee doesn't give a fuck about cumbersome soup spoons

Aimee is going to get boozed up, compliments of the boss

Aimee sure would like it if someone thought she was like the northern lights

Aimee is looking at Cari all crazy like

Aimee suffers from a potentially fatal case of pickled stupidity

Aimee is sick and her hand hurts

Aimee 's arms are full of lullabies, orchids and wine. Her memory is wrapped within paper and twine

Aimee never learns

Aimee never learns. SERIOUSLY!

Aimee is an epoch failure

Aimee is Russian; she has an urgent appointment

Aimee thinks that strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is a fine basis for a system of government

Aimee avoids alliterations almost always

Aimee needs a time machine

Aimee knows it's expensive but calls to England make her feel better

Aimee is 20

Aimee loves you all!

Aimee wants rice and lemonade

Aimee thanks everyone who came out last night. It was her favorite party in 20 years!

Aimee losiest loser that ever lost!

Aimee wishes you all a Merry Christmas!

Aimee thinks she's pretty much over it now....

Aimee is familiar with the works of Pablo Neruda

Aimee is not fond of the new year

Aimee needs another adventure

Aimee wants more

Aimee is being all honest lately.... its odd

Aimee was not not drunk at work today....

Aimee is like a superhero with no powers or motivation

Aimee is the girl who put the laughter in manslaughter

Aimee feels like the northern lights

Aimee has returned

Aimee is sleepy and vodka-y

Aimee is sleepy, and vodka-y, and cold, and she wants a red parka, and she wants a time machine, and she's sorry everyone! Tomorrow she is going to be a better person

Aimee is another word for Tequila

Aimee does feel shitty

Aimee is SICK

Aimee is prepared to meet her Maker. Whether her Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting her is another matter

Aimee remembers about 60% of last night....

Aimee knew if she bought the cup she'd end up in jail

Aimee would take her sinking boat and point it home if she knew the way

Aimee loves Miss Carton and wishes for a miracle

Aimee remembers her joie de vivre

Aimee would hug you if there wasn't an ocean in the way

Aimee hopes she would live....

Aimee has golden pants!

Aimee is the greatest sailor known to man or wolf

Aimee can't wait for REAL St. Patrick's Day now!

Aimee is sick of being sick

Aimee is aiming for heaven but she will most likely end up down in hell

Aimee plans to live forever. So far so good

Aimee gets the shivers when she drinks Absinthe

Aimee is a lumberjack and she's okay; she drinks all night and she works all day

Aimee is an imaginary menagerie manager imagining managing an imaginary menagerie

Aimee a.k.a Awesome Pocket

Aimee 's phone is fucked so don't bother calling or texting

Aimee lost EVERYTHING from her old phone! I need your numbers people

Aimee spent the day making Guinness stew, soda bread and Irish Cream brownies

Aimee yells at the top of her lungs "HAPPY FUCKING ST.PATRICK'S DAY EVERYONE!!" Sláinte

Aimee 's curse is Adam's curse. She had a thought for no one's but your ears

Aimee . What a joke! What a Pelé!

Aimee had a very odd night.....

Aimee 's face was just rocked off!!!

Aimee might actually be free this time.....

Aimee did it!

Aimee is a crazy person

Aimee o.O

Aimee will walk on, walk on, walk on. She can't go back now ♪

Aimee And I have nothing to do with it

Aimee baked cookies this morning. What should she do now?

Bad to Me

I Hate Boys........!

I would like to sing you a song

hem hem...

♪Oh bright minds of poverty
Hold on to your heart won liberties
And discard your store bought realities
Don’t let them take, the joy that you make
On your own
Work when you need to maybe
Don’t let ‘em bleed you baby
They do nothing more than feed you lady
Don’t let them take, the joy that you make
On your own
Don’t fuss, don’t fight it no
Take that wrong and right it ho
Can always live on rice and potatoes
Take your heart’s candle and relight it

I quit my Job, I’m free today

Should be proud of where I am
All my friends work their dreams with their hands
And truly this is the promised land
Don’t kill yourself about making it
Just be takin it easy but be takin it
There’s enough out there who are fakin it
Don’t let them take, the joy that you make
On your own♪

P.S. I want him to sign my boobs more then ever!

Don't Bother Me

I have not been feeling well this week. My hip/leg is up to no good again (it's been a VERY long time so I'm not really complaining about it... I know how the world likes to work against me so I'm trying to look at the upside to things). Needless to say I stayed home due to said leg/hip problems (I was unable to walk properly and standing for long periods of time hurts like a son of a bitch!). My boss felt it was appropriate to call my house after my not coming in had been brought to her attention to ask if I was "Sick sick or 'hungover sick'?" I was furious and hurt. ONE time people! I have missed work because of a hangover/ still being drunk the next day once! AND I'm the first one to admit it people! I guess this makes me a liar and huge lush (don't even get my fucking started on people thinking I'm some sort of drunk... seriously!). If that wasn't bad enough the new guy (whom I fucking hate!) went around saying to customers (Amanda is the only documented customer but this kid can't shut his fucking trap so I;m sure there were more) that I was out with the "O'Hanlon's Flu."

FUCK THIS SHIT!!!

I am getting closer and closer to the end of my rope people. Anyone who knows my temper must see that the amount of time I have kept it together is quite a feat.... take shelter people.....

~

Movies, TV screens reflect just what you expected

There's a world of shiny people somewhere else

Out there following their bliss

Living easy, getting kissed

While you wonder what else you're doing wrong

And every day it starts again

You cannot say if you're happy

You keep trying to be

Try harder, maybe,

Maybe, this is not your year.

This is not your year

Sun King 3

This looks very very comfy to me...

Reminiscing

Old Brown Shoe

Lets talk about 3 things in 50 Words

1. I Boiled My Fingers Today

2. My Phone is Fucked: How it Happened and the Fallout

3. I Can't Believe it's Been a Year

I Boiled My Fingers Today

I made my family supper today consisting of Guinness Stew, soda bread and Irish Cream brownies (all made from scratch, of course). While I was making the stew (which turned out very tasty despite is need of more potatoes) my poor finger managed to dip into the boiling pot. OUCH!

My Phone is Fucked:How it Happened and the Fallout

One minute my phone was working fine the next the screen went out and would not come back on. I took it in and they said it was a software problem. Long story short my phone is going to be completely cleared and I have to use a SHITTY loaner.

I Can't Believe it's Been a Year

March is the one year anniversary of a lot of things that were pretty big for me. Europe for example (among other things). It never seems to stop baffling me how quickly time passes and how drastically things change. I have come a long long way in a year.

*** Anyone wondering why this post is called Old Brown Shoe it is because all 3 of my topics make me feel like an Old Brown Shoe. My finger hurts, I'm sad about my phone and I'm trying to feel numb about the one year since ******* thing. However, I still feel like saying that I feel oddly optimistic today. I think it must be waking up to nice phone calls (OH and not going to work because you hate it (getting fired here I come)).

Sun King 2

Sunday again? So soon? I fail at being a "blogger." Oh well.....

Sun King

SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY!!

Here's something to look forward to. Every Sunday (that I remember) I will post a picture of something that for some reason has amused me in he week. Here we have a little girl riding a rhino... done.

Slow Down

Ok so that CD cover making game is ALL I have been doing lately (I'm sick....). It is SO fun.

Here is one I just made for the hell of it.

I would totally listen to a band called Conklin, New York.

I have also been reading One Sentence and folding Origami while talking to Luke on MSN (and by talking I mean sitting on web cam while he watches the news and I fold sail boats a.k.a. loveliness). I like it when things slow down a bit. It's nice.

Here is my weekend in point form (cause I love point form)


Friday

• Had a decent time at work (I love Ashley and Jordan. It's nice seeing love that's just there and easy.).


• Amanda and I went to the Liquor store where I spent $100 (We saw people from school and I seriously didn't remember the one... I felt a little bad).


• Amanda and I drank at the birds house (I wish I liked Absinthe more then I do....*shiver*)


• I danced pretty hard to Jesse's Girl and fell down in the hall


• Amanda and I wore down before we even made it to the bar (I blame What Not to Wear)


• I went home and talked to Luke for an hour on the phone (We discussed cake and life in Canada)
  

Saturday

• I can't remember what I did in the day.....


• I tried to get Amanda to agree to come out to O'Hanlon's but she insisted on not coming (Kristy called her and she changed her mind)


• We danced and drank and danced and went out for smokes and danced some more.


• A boy looked at my boobs very blatantly for a long time while we talked and it was awkward as hell (Way to be subtle boy...)
  
• We ran into an old friend (who didn't remember us ..... awesome) and almost went to hangout with him when the night was over (but his sister wouldn't let us).
  

Sunday

• I went for lunch with Jenn. After, we went looking for sofas (and learn we are NOT sofa compatible) and I consider getting something pierced.
  
• We went back to Jenn's house and I read all about bat boy and the lady with stiletto implants!



• Matt, Jenn and I played Settlers of Catan ( mostly I just watch Mean Girls... which is a very good movie).


• I couldn't get a hold of Amanda so I went to Trivia with Fran, Kristy and Julie (we get 4th AGAIN.... but mostly because some nice boys helped us out)


• We had the best trivia name by far (If you have sex with a sleeping hooker is it rape or shoplifting? .... This is awful but if you have ever been to trivia you know that's the point)


• We also had the best drawings by far (thank you Fran!)


• After all is said and done Kristy, Julie and I go for gross pizza (that ultimately made me sick) and talk (I am not i on the conversation a lot and I see what it fees like to be someone listening to Amanda and I. But I'm ok with it. It's nice to just absorb other peoples friendship sometimes).


• I go to sleep but do not sleep well.... damn you sore throat and fever that makes my -20 basement feel like the Sahara!
  

And to end this post I leave you with lyrics that pretty much describe exactly what I want.

~

I will live my life as a lobsterman's wife on an island in the blue bay.

He will take care of me, he will smell like the sea,

And close to my heart he'll always stay.

I will bear three girls all with strawberry curls, little Ella and Nelly and Faye.

While I'm combing their hair, I will catch his warm stare

On our island in the blue bay.

Norwegian Wood

I am a woodsman or perhaps I am seeing all of this from a far. I goes back and forth. I'm not clear... nothing is clear but I don't question it. There are two brothers (or maybe I am one of the brothers) clearing trees. One brother says to the other "It only takes one nail to topple the barn". Sometimes this is my pearl of wisdom and sometimes it was said to me. Soon other woodsmen come and take over, wanting to punish us for clearing the trees (a job they would soon take over themselves). We are fenced in by them. We are now POW's for our tree cutting misdeeds. The older brother is killed and the younger is no longer important. Now instead of being a brother and watcher of it all I am the older brothers wife and watcher of it all. There is a giant barn within our fenced off camp that is made from the lumber cleared by the brothers. She feels like she must free the others and she remembers that 'it only takes one nail to topple the barn'. There is a marshmallow covering the nail but it is easily removed revealing the nail. Using only her hands she removes the nail and some slats of wood and with a single push the wall of the barn falls. The fallen wall has taken out the camps fence and the POW's are free.

And then I wake up.

Just another one of my odd dreams.

In other news I have read 3 novels this month (each one sadder then the last in it's own way).

The first being a book my cousin had to read for school. I felt I could read the 530 pages before her. Two days later it seemed I could. It was sad and made me think about religion and everything I don't know about it (and maybe don't care to know). However I questioned the lovers in the book. Why did they love each other? It seemed like they loved each other because it kept the plot going. He was there and she was there and if they didn't love each other the story wouldn't have gone anywhere. It felt forced, affected... wrong I guess.

The second (another book brought home by a cousin and read for no real reason) was a history of The Myrtles Plantation when Frances Kermeen was the proprietor. There is almost nothing I love more then feeling freaked out and this book did an okay job of it. This book reminded me of my fascination with voodoo and my desire to go to New Orleans and soak in all the crazy that she has to offer. Every time the book mentioned Baton Rouge I wanted to pitch it across the room. I HATE Baton Rouge!

The third book I actually started last month and finished just before I sat down to write this. It's called The Wreckage and I highly recommend it. If I were to say anything that I want to it would give the book away though. So lets just say it sucks when you think one thing (and it's a thing that makes you happy) and it turns out to be not at all what you thought it was. You feel used in a way... but also it's fine because shit happens and then you get over it. Love is not inevitable.

I'll Be Back

Starting Now!

Ok so here's the story. For a long time I was puttering along and things were not bad. Hell I was even happy sometimes. Sure every once in a while things seemed like they could not get worse but I always just kept going. Like I said I was puttering along. Then things got sort of mysterious and ...hopeful. I had never been so hopeful... I was scared a little of how hopeful I was. Then in a sudden burst there was happiness. I recognised the flaws in the happiness. I questioned it. But I also let it in. And then as quick as it came it was gone. It hurt. I hurt. I slowed. I drank. I disappeared. I felt, so I drank some more. But you keep going after a while. And that's where I am now. Back to the puttering. BUT this puttering has new direction.... I just don't know what direction it is. Life is confusing like that. And this is what I am learning over and over.... I feel like I'm not really learning the lesson though... I'm missing some bit.

Ok I'm done with all of that now. Here are some real things that have been going on.

We saw Once the other day and it rocked my face! First of all it was so crazy seeing place I have been in a movie. It made me homesick for those places. Which I realize is silly on account of I live here and not in Dublin but I miss it all the same. It was weird being over there... just felt like home.
Secondly it has brought up a lot of talk about a persons substance. And how that substance can make a person fall helplessly in love with you. We talked a lot about that look a 'helplessly fallen' gives to that person. Just the... amazement in their eyes. You know the look. I am the giver of that look. And I hope someday I find someone to give it to always. It is wonderful look to give. However I don't think I have ever been the receiver of this look. I have come close to this look and I believe it was as sincere a look that that person was able to give. That is enough for me. Even if it wasn't the full look... it was enough.
And thirdly the movie, among other things, made me think about the person I am. I can't figure out who she is or where she's going. It's scary. But it's sort of exciting too.

~

"Let no one who loves be called unhappy. Even love unreturned has its rainbow." - J.M. Barrie

J.M Barrie is a man who knew too much about me, without knowing me. It makes me uneasy and glad all at once.

Octopus's Garden

Lately I feel like I'm living life for Sundays. I love the SHIT out of Trivia Night! Last weekend I found myself actually counting down the hours until Trivia. It sucks A LOT that I have to work on Mondays because I feel so pumped up after trivia that I don't want to sleep, then have to go to work the next day. And the lack of sleep REALLY catches up with you. I think I might have actually fallen asleep at the till a few Mondays back.

Lets see... what else is new with me?

I...

• ...Won $50 dollars! I have never won on a Cashword ever! If I had gotten a "b" I would have $100 and if I had gotten an "l" I would have $1000 ... but I'm not complaining.
  
• ...Worked my ass off at work. I didn't get the raise I thought would come with the work but it felt good working and feeling like I was being appreciated for it. I did get a bottle of Kahlúa and a curly bamboo as a thank you gift. So that's pretty awesome.
  
• ...Saw Birds are Dinosaurs (well... some of it) and it was awesome. I really wish I had their CD! Also wish I could play the mandolin!!
• ...Stayed home sick today. I woke up not feeling so hot. I went upstairs and my nose started to bleed (which used to happen to me all the time until I got my nose cauterized). So I figured I'll just get it to stop and go on with my day. Instead I got very very dizzy and almost fell into my bathtub. So my Aunt put me back to bed and left me at home. I just hope I feel better for tomorrow!!
  

Also did you know that my favorite drink, "Harvey Wallbanger" does NOT call for Cinnamon? I have looked all over and I haven't seen a recipe call for it even once. Also I read that it's "joined the 'endangered species list' " and that the only "appropriate" places to order them are "Beaches, pools and tiki lounges".... To which I say... Fuck you! I love Harvey Wallbangers and will order them where ever I want to! And I will always ask that they have some cinnamon on top too.

What's the New Mary Jane

A Nice Evening in 20 Points

1. Being told you are sweet
2. Being told you win a 'beautiful contest' by one of the prettiest people you know
3. Singing Cocaine Blues from beginning to end at the top if your lungs in a pub that you love
4. Catching up with someone you never really knew
5. Baby Guinness
6. Grown up Guinness
7. "That was actually a cool trick with the beer though"
8. Learning from the best
9. Being a thumb war champion
10. Alouette, gentille alouette, Alouette, je te plumerai
11. Winning Red Mittens
12. Being told you are adorable and that someone wants to carry you in their pocket... or in some sort of bag like Paris Hilton carries Tinkerbell
13. Being mistaken for a metal smith
14. Innocent and uncomplicated hand holding
15. Being cuddled and cuddling back
16. She's freaky *wink wink*
17. Realizing and getting back on track
18. Hugs that feel like puzzle pieces being turned right
19. Being Mary Jane
20. Going for it...

~

Quite Possibly the Oddest and Most Reassuring Moment of My Year Thus Far
Scene- Aimee is at work (she is slightly drunk from the lovely night before). The woman who is affectionately referred to as "Crazy" is sitting enjoying her free coffee (as well as her stolen creamer that Aimee saw her take but couldn't be bothered to do anything about ... she is feeling quite lovely after all). Crazy spills said free coffee and asks Aimee for assistance. Aimee mops up and tries to reassure Crazy that all is well.
Crazy - I apologize!
Aimee - Oh it's okay. Accidents happen.
(Aimee begins to walk away)
Crazy - No. Miracles happen.

~

So you're scared and you're thinking

That maybe we ain't that young anymore

Show a little faith, there's magic in the night

You ain't a beauty, but hey you're alright

Oh and that's alright with me

The Fool on the Hill

I'm ok with everything I am about to say.

• I have no idea how to start this list
• While I am ok with everything I'm going to say I also worry about being judged a bit (even though I know it's silly... because deep down I really don't give a fuck what anyone thinks) (This is confusing sort of... I'm complex like that.)
• I am one of those silly girls sometimes and I can't help it
• I enjoy "lame" music sometimes (I'm listening to my downloaded copy of Katy Perry right now! I am able to relate to it oddly enough (in my crazy bend the world to my own purposes way)). "How do I know the right way to love you? Keep holding on hoping there's a real boy inside"
• I have to talk myself into thinking I look pretty more then I am comfortable with
• I am not always fair when making decisions about things
• I'm hopeful he will come around even though all the signs point to giving up (If being in love is totally punk rock then I am the punkiest punk that ever punked! If only he knew....)
• I'm terrified of the future (Because I feel like I don't have one yet)
• Sometimes I imagine myself abandoning everything I have here and starting fresh with no looking back (I worry that if I did no one would look for me)
• I wanted everything he was offering (a lot... more then I realized) ... but under my conditions
• I wish on stars but for very general things (I guess I hope the star knows what I mean or what I need... I feel like the universe knows whats best for me a lot of the time. Because I have no fucking clue!)
• I feel guilty for not caring that I have no father (But really.... I couldn't care less)
• There are at least three things I can think of that I have never told anyone and never will (But if feels good to talk about them like this)
• I can replay almost every touch and thought from that kiss in my head... and do often. Because it was awesome and fun and crazy and more then anything else it was right
• I have no idea where this burst of honest share came from. It felt good though.

~

What will it take to make or break this hint of love?

We need time, only time

When we’re apart whatever are you thinking of?

If this is what I call home, why does it feel so alone?

So tell me darling, do you wish we’d fall in love?

All the time, all the time